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lyrics

There's a place not too far. You can travel there by car. It's a freaky live-in theme park and a town. Walk down the street and stare at the uniforms they wear and the funny way they talk and move around. It's Colonial Williamsburg, and it's all a show. It'll teach you some hard lessons -- it's real educational. In Colonial Williamsburg, the speeches never stop. You'll get your sense of history. It's totally under the top. In our friendly neighborhood, we'll put it to Bedford for good.

There's hardly a trace of the stuff that got displaced. Yes they've done a super job with the renovation. And as you calculate the odds of maintaining these facades, you'll forget you're walking through a simulation. But in Colonial Williamsburg, nothing's real -- not the pretend occupations or the way they say they feel. You'll meet a man who'll claim to be the seventh earl of Kent, and as he leads the tour from the bar to the store you'll wonder where your money went.

Oh the battle re-enactments are really worth the trip. You might start to cry when they fall and die after shooting from the hip. And everywhere there's music and papers being signed, but to live there is insanity -- you'd lose your fucking mind.

You might hear them sing how they'll overthrow the king, and fight for independence, and set the castle walls on fire. Don't get suckered in, my friend. They're just playing pretend and biding time until they join the evil empire. In Colonial Williamsburg, the joke's on you, by these greasepaint revolutionaries assessing revenue. It's a fantastic plastic plank -- the land of make-believe. We'll fife and drum until we all get numb and we bow our heads and heave.

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from I'm Assuming You're All In Bands, released December 10, 2015

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Tris McCall Jersey City, New Jersey

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